Conversation Starter for Parents and Mentors - Don't Punch a Fire Extinguisher

Last night after his team lost their second game in a row to the Miami Heat, Amare Stoudemaire, of the New York Knicks, was so angry that he punched the glass cover on a fire extinguisher and had to his hand wrapped extensively by team paramedics. 

When I heard this story this morning from some middle school guys at Gull Lake's Hutch's Huddle (a middle school Bible study that meets on Tuesday's before school), I couldn't help but think about how great of opportunity this would be if I were a dad to talk to my kids about controlling their temper. This also applies to mentors. 


Here we have a famous athlete who is frustrated to the point of anger and goes off on a fire extinguisher and will most likely miss the next game his team plays. What an incredible consequence! Add to that the fact that his reputation has been tarnished and he will be forever branded as that basketball play who punched a fire extinguisher.


Here we go mentors and dad's (or mom's, but within families I would love to see the dad's out there take the lead on this one), if your mentee, son or daughter watches basketball or any sport really, I encourage you to intentionally bring this up in conversation with them. 


Interested in learn more about creating a culture of conversation with your mentee or children, click here. 


Ask if they've heard about the situation. Ask them what they think about it. Ask them how they've seen you react to frustration and what they think about that (hard question, but what a great way to show that you want to be real and honest with your mentee or kid(s)!). Ask them how they've responded and then let them know how you've seen them respond (they will be able to hear this better since you've opened yourself up first). 


Now that you've heard their response, you can either reinforce their understanding of how we should control our anger or use it as a teaching moment to explain to them how we should handle our tempers in a God honoring way. Here are a few Bible verses to help you out:

Stop being angry!
    Turn from your rage!
Do not lose your temper—
    it only leads to harm.

Psalms 37:8

A hot-tempered person starts fights;
    a cool-tempered person stops them.

Proverbs 15:18

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry. Human anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. So get rid of all the filth and evil in your lives, and humbly accept the word God has planted in your hearts, for it has the power to save your souls.

But don’t just listen to God’s word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves. For if you listen to the word and don’t obey, it is like glancing at your face in a mirror. You see yourself, walk away, and forget what you look like. But if you look carefully into the perfect law that sets you free, and if you do what it says and don’t forget what you heard, then God will bless you for doing it.

James 1:19-25

My prayer for you is that the Holy Spirit will give you the courage to start this conversation and the words to say that will open up the hearts of your child(ren) to listen.

___________________________________________________________________________________

Parents and Mentors, evaluate yourselves:

How did it go? (be honest)

What went well? What didn't go well?

Were you patient? 

Did you pray for the conversation before you started it?

Did you ask the questions in a way that showed you really cared or in a way that implied you had an agenda?

How did your child(ren) respond?

What will you do differently next time? 

Inform

If you are reading this and you were not at gracespring Bible Church this past Sunday to hear me speak, you will want to read this post to help you make sense of it all.

Learning Method #1: Inform

·                                    Resources:

o   Websites

§ Biblegateway.com – Great way to read the Bible while on a break at work or home.

§  thegospelcoalition.com – Great catalog of blogs, sermons, and articles.

§  gotquestions.org – Awesome website that has an app as well. I agree with 95% of their conclusions, as always, read with discernment.

§  gracespringchurch.org – The parents section of each of the student ministries pages have   awesome resources. 

§  gotandem.com – One of the coolest Bible reading options  EVER developed!

o   iPhone and Android Apps

§  YouVersion – Bible available on                           your phone. Includes reading plans, audio Bible, and personal profiles to track your progress.

§  GoBible – dramatized reading of the Bible

§  Glo Bible – Yes it’s different than GoBible, this one will cost a pretty penny, but great for more in depth study.

§  iDisciple – I actually don’t know if this exists, but it’d be sweet if it did!

o   Books

§  Discipleship Essentials by Greg Ogden – I read this with Scott McCloughan and used it with a few of my disciples.

§  Crazy Love – Great book about learning how to love others by Francis Chan

§  Building a Culture of Discipleship by Mike Breen – This is written for church leaders, but the first part of the book is phenomenal for anybody and it’s what a lot of my lesson was based on.

§  A Million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller – Life changing book about writing a better story for God’s glory.

§  Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller – Must read for anybody under 35.

§  The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller – Beth and I are reading this together right now and it has been a tool we have used to grow closer to Christ as a couple.

§  What book has really challenged you? Comment below to share with others.

·                                      Ideas: 

o   Individuals

§  Increase your Bible reading by 1 day a week or by 5 minutes a day for the next month and then double it after that.

§  Buy a journal and write out what you learn from reading the Bible, reading a blog, or listening to a sermon online.

§  Pray for 5 minutes right when you wake up.

o Married Couples

§  Start reading the Bible together 10 minutes a day.

§  Read a chapter of a book on your own and then discuss it together afterwards. I wrote about that experience here.

§  Take turns praying at meal times – simple yet effective.

§  Pray with passion and purpose for your spouse – when you pray with them! (Powerfully intimate experience…which sometimes leads to other powerfully intimate experiences!)

o   Parents

§  Create a personal devotions time for your family – find a day or two a week when you as a family can go off individually and do devotions. 10, 15, 30 minutes…doesn’t matter. That part’s up to you!

§  Pray with your children every night before bed.

§  What else do you do with your family? Comment below to share with others.

These are just a few of the resources I love and have learned a lot from as a disciple. Most of these ideas are things that Beth and I have done or are things that I have stolen from somewhere else.

My prayer for you this week is that you get to know God more this week by getting more informed about Him through. 

GO - It's Not An Option

This past Sunday at my church, gracespring, where I am the Assistant Pastor to Students, I had the honor of teaching about Jesus’ commissioning of His disciples in Matthew 28:16-20, before He left this earth. Over the next week, I will be making three different posts that are based on that message. I wanted to give my readers who weren’t there, the backstory of my lesson to help them understand the other posts.

Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. …”

Jesus commands us to GO and make disciples. This is not an option for Christians. This is a command. We need to get off the sidelines of life and get in the game. This world needs the life-changing message of Jesus Christ and we have it to give!

 

“…Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit,…”

In order to be out there making disciples, we need to be disciples ourselves. In the Greek, disciple is the word mathetes, which means learner. Simply put, being a disciple of Jesus means that we are to be lifelong learners of His. We should be learning about God so that we can get to know Him better.

“…and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. …”

So we are called to go make disciples, we can’t make disciples without being one, so how do we become lifelong learners? Well, I believe that if we combine three learning methods that Jesus used with His disciples,  we will be learning more about God on a daily basis if we make that choice.

Learning Method #1: Inform

This method includes lecture-style learning, reading books and blogs, listening to podcasts, etc.

Jesus Modeled This When: Matthew 5 – Jesus gives the Sermon on the Mount.

How are you getting informed as a disciple?

Learning Method #2: Intertwine

This method is very hands-on. It is like having an apprentice, or an intern, or a padawan for my Star Wars friends! I like to define it as intentionally involving someone else in some of your daily life for the purpose of teaching them how to respond to situations.

Jesus Modeled This When: John 2 – Jesus and the disciples go to a wedding together. They are living life together.

Learning Method #3: Immerse

We learn this way by putting ourselves in situations or environments that are new, unusual,  or uncomfortable for us. We learn things we would have never thought about when we purposefully place ourselves in unfamiliar situations. For instance, going on a missions trip to a foreign country, visiting a homeless shelter, etc.

Jesus Modeled This When: Luke 9 – He sent the disciples out to experience preaching the gospel without Him by their side.

Within each one of these learning methods there are a lifetime of examples and resources. I want to narrow it down to a few resources, ideas, and suggestions over the next week. So each learning method, Inform (Monday), Intertwine (Wednesday), and Immerse (Friday) will have a post dedicated to it with a consolidated and creative list of ways to help you be a more effective “discipler" and equipped disciple.

 “…And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Am I Ugly?

This past weekend, I read a heartbreaking article about a new trend among teens. I felt led to share this discovery with you all in hopes of supporting and caring for our students in Impact. I asked our Student Ministries Coordinator, Michael Wiltshire, to do some research on the trend and compose a loving challenge to us all. I pray that we will all be called to Christ-like action.

The trend that we are referring to is a developing YouTube phenomenon where adolescents are posting videos asking the question, “Am I ugly?” The teens then open the comments section up for people all over the world to post their judgment on the teen’s appearance. Some of the comments are supportive. Many of them are horribly crafted to inflict painful judgment on the young girl or boy. Here is one of those videos:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwU2OcJVoIg&feature=related

Lysa TerKeurst, an author and blogger for Proverbs 31 Ministries gets to the heart of this trend when she writes, “I could have been one of these questioning girls. I remember what it was like to feel different. Unaccepted. Not pretty. Desperate for someone to validate me. Craving acceptance from friends and attention from boys. Because that’s what I thought would fix me.”

Lysa rightly points out that these teens are not merely curious about their appearance: they are desperate for validation, affirmation, and unconditional love. In Impact, we believe in engaging culture in meaningful ways and we will certainly do our best to communicate the love and acceptance God has for each and every student. Our hope and joy would be to partner with you as parents in the process. Please, take time to watch this video and know that there are countless like it (from both genders). More importantly, take time today to tell your children how beautiful and special they are to you. And how much joy they bring you every day! Don’t just assume they know that—tell them regularly! Let’s work together to develop teens who are confident in themselves and in their Father God! Let’s work daily to show our teens that they are loved. No matter what.

Thank you, so much, for your love and compassion for your kids. We hope to come along side you in whatever ways we can!

If you have any thoughts you would like to share or other resources that may be helpful please share them in the comments section below. Let's equip and encourage each other to raise these children to love Christ. 

To God be the glory –

Pastor Peter Jenkins

Week 4 - You've Made It!

Step 4. Live in it Daily - Week 4 - Suggested Nights: Tuesday, Feb. 21 or Thursday, Feb. 23


Here we are! You’ve made it to week 4! You are to be congratulated and applauded. You have shown that you have a deep and genuine love for your students life.

For this week, I encourage you to (re)read Michelle Wallace’s article, ‘Modeling Purity to Your Kids.’

Spend this week talking to your child about how you want conversations like this to continue. Encourage them to initiate the conversation with you sometime, just like you have with them consistently over the past four weeks. Let them know how much you care about them and want to be there alongside them as they go through middle school and high school. Yes, this sounds cheesy. But, when I have children I want them to always know (no matter how cheesy) how much I love them and want to be an active part of their world.

Pray over your child this week and ask them to pray for you.

Encourage your child.

Affirm who they are and who you see them becoming.

Challenge your child to stand up for what they believe.

Tell your child you love them.

I have to admit some candid happiness at this moment. I am so thrilled that you have invested in the life of your child over the past four weeks in this way. For you, it may not be that different from what you have already done with your child or maybe this is your very first time attempting something like this. Either way, you are the minority. I hear story after story from college students and people my age about how they learned everything they know about purity and sexuality from theirs friends at school. This resource won’t change the fact that students are going to learn from their friends, but now they have been given true, accurate, and appropriate information that they can weigh everything else they learn against.


Don’t let this be the end, make this the beginning. Continue these conversations over the coming weeks.

Week 3 - Putting Up Walls

Step 3. Put up the Walls - Week 3 - Suggested Nights: Tuesday, Feb. 14 or Thursday, Feb. 16

Once you’ve started to create the culture of open conversation and laid a solid foundation, it’s time to start to putting up some walls. Usually this is a bad thing in relationships, but here we’re talking about going through room-by-room of your childs’ heart and hearing from them about what they are struggling with. What are they dealing with? What are they hearing from school? What do they see their friends doing that they question whether it’s right or wrong?

For this week I encourage you to (re)read the article by Jori Reijonen,, Ph.D., ‘Adolescent Sexuality and Finding Identity in Christ.’ Incredible insight into the different rooms of your child’s mind and heart.

I believe that if you are consistent the first two weeks with sitting down and talking to your child, you will be pleasantly surprised with what they share with you during the conversations.

Conversation Started?

Did you strike up a conversation with child last night?


If so, how'd it go?

Great Purity Bible Study for Adults or Students

I came across this link today for a great Bible study regarding purity for adults and students alike.

http://www-rohan.sdsu.edu/~sdsunavs/resources/Purity.pdf

Week 1

Step 1: Dream up and Create the Blueprint - Week 1.  

Suggested Nights: Tuesday, Jan. 31 or Thursday, Feb. 2

This is the very beginning of the process. When it comes to building a house, you scout out the perfect piece of land and then you meet with the architect and begin to dream up and create the blueprints. The same thing needs to happen with your child. The end result is creating a culture of open and honest conversation, so let your child know that! Talk to them about exactly the kind of relationship you would like to have with them.

Two great articles to (re)read for insight/encouragement for this conversation are Blaine’s, entitled, “Eliminate Barriers” and “Practical Tips.”

For Dads: This may need to start with you saying you’re sorry. I know as a man that this is a very difficult thing to do, but most dads are in a place where they don’t give 100% to their families. I know work is hard, I know financial stress can cause you to lose the ability to focus on other things and I know you just want to relax and watch TV. But, you’re called to be the best man you can possibly be for your family. Have you been doing that? If not, be honest with your kids. Now you’ll need to make sure that you’re willing to improve because you can only apologize so many times to your kids before they give up on you. I have seen a number of dads realize where they are falling short and really strive to improve. They realize how much love their heavenly Father has for them, and they need to represent that here on earth for their kids in a tangible way. I guarantee you’ll never regret being a great dad to your kids.

For Moms: Be ready for the long haul. Your kids may already feel close to you, but that doesn’t mean they are going to tell you everything or listen to what you say about purity overnight. It will takes weeks, months, and years (see Alli Curby’s article) for some kids to realize the truth that you are saying. Be honest, sincere, and calm.

I look forward to hearing and reading about how it went!

Outline of Impact's, The Thrill of Purity, Series

Impact Purity Series

The Thrill of Purity

Feb. 1, 8, 15, & 22

·      Week 1 – Feb. 1

o   What does our culture say about purity?

§  It’s not a goal or priority

§  It isn’t even on the radar

• Being good looking is essential\something to strive for
• If you’re not dating, there must be something wrong with you

·      Week 2 – Feb. 8

o   Why is purity worth it?

§  Honors God

§  Because YOU are worth it

§  Leads to a life of joy, fulfillment, and no regrets

·      Week 3 – Feb. 15

o   Purity Labyrinth

§  Emphasis on self-worth

§  Stations:

·      Mirrors to write encouraging words on

·      Acknowledging lies we believe about ourselves

·      Playdoh: Mold something to remind you that you are created perfectly by a loving God

·      Week 4 – Feb. 22

o   Purity Panel Q & A

§  Guys and Girls split into separate rooms

§  Panel of leaders, parents, and Jr. Interns answer questions students have about purity.

The Thrill of Purity - The Heart Behind, The Purity Packet

During a cloudy and rainy day in November, Beth and I headed up to Grand Rapids to meet with Michael Wiltshire (gracespring Student Ministries Cordinator) and his fiance’ Allison Curby. Usually we don’t need a reason to hang out with Michael and Ally because we absolutely love being with them. This day though, we had a very specific purpose for getting together with them: to dream.

Dream about how we could best communicate the truth of God’s Word and the love of Jesus Christ to students. We worked off of a teaching method called, Mapping, that Michael had been learning and anxious to put into practice.

Mapping is the exercise of organizing our weekly teaching around the focus of cultural
observations, rather than behavioral changes. It is a tool to help students understand God’s
love and redemption for all things.

With much prayer, planning, and purpose we planned out five months of teaching. One of the series within that five month time span in the purity series. We agreed that a cultural observation we all saw was that purity was misunderstood and undervalued. We jokingly threw out the name, ‘Purity, What the Heck?!’ because purity is so counter-cultural today. But, as two couples striving to be pure we wanted to communicate to students the excitement and blessing of being pure. So we settled upon the name, The Thrill of Purity.

Purity isn’t a list what of you can’t do. It’s not a recipe for boredom and solitude. It’s an exciting and never ending journey towards becoming more like Christ. It’s a list of things you can do! It’s a lifestyle that leads to joy and freedom!

Now, we’re not naive either. We all acknowledged the fact that sexual temptation is some of the strongest temptation out there, but being free from guilt, regret, and life-long wounds is well worth the work it takes to say no.

Are we asking girls to wear potato sacks and winter coats at all times? Are we telling guys they can never look at a girl or get on the computer?

No.

Are we expecting perfection? Are we saying that you have to be completely pure to follow God?

No. But, God does call us to be holy as He is holy, as you’ll learn in Melanie Dekruyter’s article. Our God is a God of grace and mercy. So even if you’ve messed up in your own life. If you constantly struggle with purity, God still wants you to train your child up in the way they should live. Difficult and awkward as it may be, that’s your role as parents.  

So what does all this mean? It means that being pure is going to take a lot of work. God designed us to live in community with one another to support, care, and encourage each other. We want to come alongside you as parents and give you resources and opportunities to start\continue having conversations with your kids about purity. As you’ll read in almost every article in this packet, purity isn’t about having ‘The Talk’ it’s about starting ‘The Relationship’ with your child.

The Purity Packet [a conversation starter] is a resource that has been prayed over and created with you the parent in mind. May God bless you, your student, and your relationship with your student through the truth in this packet. I encourage you to sit down and take the time to read through all the articles. You can read them all at one time, one at a time, or however else you would like to.

As you read, pray for your student. Pray that God will protect, guide, and give wisdom to your students as they make CHOICES only THEY can make in regards to their purity.

May the God of mercy, grace, and peace bless you in your efforts to raise your child for His glory. May He give you the strength, courage, and boldness during your journey of parenting.

Blaine and I are honored that you entrust your students to our care on a weekly basis. We will continue to do our best to guide them towards Christ and support you as their parents along the way. We all on this road together.

to God be the glory